Lurking Dangers within Family-Integrated Churches

Someone sent this to me a few days ago. They appear to be notes that someone took of Boyd Dellinger's talk at the Love the Church conference in December 2010. I thought the points were good and worthy to post here.

Danger #4—Not Having a Heart Relationship with our Children

Some of the most pressure-oriented, performance-based families are in the Family-Integrated Churches.

When all is said and done, what you as the Mom or Dad desire is for your children to do the right things outwardly.

How do you exasperate your children? When you throw out the nurture in the “Nurture and Admonition of the Lord.”

We raise performance-driven children who grow up thinking that their relationship with God and His love for them is based on performance.

“We’re going to be perfect HERE!”
A critical piece missing—you don’t have the heart of your child, Dad!
Proverbs 23:26—“My son, give me your heart.”
Instead, “My son, give me your outward obedience.”

Devastating results...from homeschooling, Family-Integrated church attending, modestly dressed children...Dads didn’t have their hearts!

It is better for your family for you to have the heart of your children and have them love God with all their hearts and to attend a program-driven, seeker church!

How do we keep the heart of our children?
Plead with God to open our eyes!!

Live it out—Tell your children that they are loved no matter what—because of who they are, not what they do.

Common Patterns

--They did not live joyfully.
It was a chore of rules that they would adhere to.
More “I don’t want to mess up” rather than “I want to follow Christ.”
Separated from the world, but not separated to Christ.

--Mom ruled Dad . . . dominant mom, passive father.
The entire family knew back home that Mom really was in charge.

--Assumed that homeschooling or attending a Family-Integrated Church will by itself produce godly children.

--No genuine love for Jesus.
The consistent theme was a desire to conform, to look, and to behave a certain way.

There is a great joy in knowing that your children walk in the truth . . . On the other hand, it is devastating and heart-wrenching to know that your children are NOT walking in the truth.